How could I forget? It's over and yet the memories of all those wonderful times - the fun, the excitement, the love (now I'm pretty sure of this). How could I put behind me all of that? I wonder if I could persuade any doctor to do a lobotomy on me.
I saw her today. I don't know if she recognized me because for a second or two, she stared at me. And if there was a moment that she did, the glint in her cold eyes failed to reveal so. As if she didn't know me. As if we haven't been a part of each other's life a long time ago. Yeah, it really feels like eons ago.
I guess I couldn't blame her. Ours was the story that ought to be forgotten but even so, I was still taken aback by how things have changed. So much.
I always knew what I wanted - tall, sexy, beautiful, and brilliant. The perfect girlfriend - someone to hug, someone to hold, someone to kiss, and someone to talk to.
And it's remarkable how I could find them all in four different women.
Let's just say I have good-looking parents. Thanks to them, I've got wonderful genes. I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill or anything but I always get girls swooning over my charms except for one. Ria.
Not that I want her tummy to get all fluttery and floppy and drool over me. We practically grew up together - classmates since pre-school, best friends since we've gotten away from breaking the neighbor's window, and strangers since I found out her secret.
She loves me - not just the kind of fondness that you share with a friend. I'm sure man, I didn't intend to read her diary.
It was one afternoon when I went to their house. I was going to tell her about this girl I was dating. I went directly to her room like I always do. It was empty. I was about to leave but I caught sight of her diary lying on her bed - open. I was not the nosy type but during that time, it seemed like an invisible force was pushing me towards it. So ok, just a little peek. And after I did, I wished I didn't.
The words she had written caught me off-guard. I never saw it in her eyes. Maybe I got scared - scared that I'd hurt her. Again. (She had been hurt many times already - everytime I tell her about my girlfriends. That is according to what she had written.) She was not what I wanted. Yeah, she is brilliant and no, she's not ugly, charming even but she's not just the realization of what I had in mind.
And so I started dating the prettiest girl in school. This time I didn't tell her. She didn't ask either. She started staying away. At first, I felt relieved. At least she's staying away without me telling her. Good riddance, I thought.
Then the lonely afternoons started. I found myself staying at home on weekends hoping she would suddenly appear to watch corny chick flicks with me. I started hating the rain because there was no one to get wet with uncaring if we would get sick. The nights seemed unbearable too. I'd stare at my phone, willed it to ring but it never did. And like a kick at the pit of my stomach, it hit me. I was missing her. Terribly.
My girlfriend broke up with me. Funny, it didn't even pain me that the most popular girl in school dumped me. I was even smiling when she slapped me. Thanks, that slap had waken me up.
"I met her gaze and found myself staring at a different person. A person who had been sick from the rain, had gotten well and had sworn never to get drenched again."
So I gathered all my courage and went to their house. She was cleaning their backyard and as I drew near, my eyes caught sight of the pink notebook she was throwing at the pile of burning leaves.
"Hey, what are you doin'?" I asked, my eyes fixed on the diary that was slowly being eaten by fire.
"Getting rid of trash." She answered looking at it and then at me.
I met her gaze and found myself staring at a different person. A person who had been sick from the rain, had gotten well and had sworn never to get drenched again. I forced a smile and muttered that I just dropped by to say hi and had to go because I'd forgotten to do something.
I didn't wait for her reply. I turned to leave struggling to get myself under control. Damn it control! And it was amazing wasn't it, how bad you could hurt when there was nothing physically wrong? Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.
I looked back and saw her shutting the door. How appropriate. Just like burning the diary, she was getting rid of me and shutting me out of her life.
It started to rain. I ran home. I knew it was going to be a storm.
Droplets of rain brought me back to reality. I didn't move. I just let it pour down on me until I was soaking wet. It was the loneliest feeling. The rain always reminded me of her because just like the rain, I fell for her.
"Are you tryin' to kill yourself?" her voice seemed inaudible from the heavy downpour. She shared her umbrella with me.
"I've been dead since you left." I muttered just loud enough for her to hear.
For a moment or so, there was a deafening silence. Or maybe it was just my imagination because after that she said,
"Nice try. You almost got me there. But no. I've found my happiness already. I was so hurt when I've read your diary years ago. I do't think you remember that day when I was cleaning our backyard. Before you saw me burning your diary, I already burned yours. I was so angry then. I came by your house but you were not there. I'm sorry I was tempted to read your diary but I'm glad I did. I was so hurt then but I guess you were right on what you have written there. We are not right for each other."
I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say. So that's why my diary had been missing. So that's why she ran away. I tried to say something but no words came out of my mouth.
"Thanks friend." She kissed my cheek. "Here you can have my umbrella." She said handling me her umbrella and she ran to the arms of the man waiting across the street.
I turned to leave. The rain poured heavily. Damn cold rain. Travis.
