The Other Woman

I wanted to pour this out since I don’t know when. I don’t know if it’s because of guilt. Conscience maybe? But how can you possibly call a love so great ‘wrong’?

It was not love at first sight. It even had to go through a lot of impolite stares and eyeball rolling for me to admit that I’ve been hit. And as the rain fell on the corrugated galvanized iron roof, so did my heart on his sexy smile complete with his perfect set of teeth.

I’ve tried to deny my impulses at first but my olfactory nerves send signals to my brain that tells me how good he smells even when he’s all covered with sweat. Even my optical nerves find it difficult not to stare. Whew! It seemed that I’ve come to realize for the first time why the good Lord had endowed me with such great senses – except for my common sense that I’ve started to bottle up.

Long before I knew him, she was there already. She had been his life. She was his first love. When he first introduced me to her, she just eyed me suspiciously as if she was already expecting I’d take him away from her even though at that time we were just friends. But we all know how friends could get so close (most abused foundation of love?). And it didn’t take too long for us to realize that we couldn’t stay as friends any longer. And though I prided myself with being intelligent and making right decisions always, I didn’t quite calculate the amount of beer that could affect my reasoning, judgment, and sense of righteousness.

I got pregnant. She got mad. He tried hard to explain what happened but she just chose to play deaf. He moved in our house after we told my parents about my condition. It was hard for him – for both of us actually. We were both graduating when this mess happened. It was a good thing my tummy was not very noticeable. We still continued going to school. And even though my parents were supporting us (I’m the only girl in the family), he still  tried hard to find a job.

"We named her Helena – the first woman he loved."

Slowly, things started to put on a normal footing. But I could sometimes catch him in deep thought and staring at nothing. I knew he was thinking of her. And though he never told me, I know he still visits her sometimes – in hope that she might forgive us. He loved her all his life and I just cannot compete with that.

We got married after graduation.  Two months after that, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. We named her Helena – the first woman he loved. Before leaving the hospital, we learned that Helena was ill.

We decided to visit her. I waited outside the room while he talked to her.

“You look good. How’s the baby?” she asked.

“Five pounds. Baby girl. Are you okay?” he sat by her side.

“Aww, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I just need a little rest. Is your wife still mad at me? I hope not. You chose her over me.”

“She was never mad at you. I’m sorry I was very stubborn at that time. I know she understands you better now that we have a baby.”

“I’m sorry too.” She said blinking away her tears.

“I’m sorry that I needed to choose that time but she needed me – she and the baby. And I know she could take care of me like how you have taken care of me mom.” He cried.

“I missed you calling me that.” She cried as he hugged her.

I waited for a while and then I entered carrying the baby. She looked at me and then motioned for me to bring the baby to her.

“Come here. Let me look at her.” She held my hand as if saying how sorry she was. I smiled at her.

She then asked, “What should I call her?”

“We named her after you mom. Helena.” I answered and then I looked at my husband smiling at the two women in his life and then at the little angel. twinx

COLD

"It would be the loneliest feeling standing cold under the rain all alone. But if you were there hugging me tight, just right there by my side, I would just hope it will rain for the rest of my life."

How could I forget? It's over and yet the memories of all those wonderful times - the fun, the excitement, the love (now I'm pretty sure of this). How could I put behind me all of that? I wonder if I could persuade any doctor to do a lobotomy on me.

I saw her today. I don't know if she recognized me because for a second or two, she stared at me. And if there was a moment that she did, the glint in her cold eyes failed to reveal so. As if she didn't know me. As if we haven't been a part of each other's life a long time ago. Yeah, it really feels like eons ago.

I guess I couldn't blame her. Ours was the story that ought to be forgotten but even so, I was still taken aback by how things have changed. So much.

I always knew what I wanted - tall, sexy, beautiful, and brilliant. The perfect girlfriend - someone to hug, someone to hold, someone to kiss, and someone to talk to.

And it's remarkable how I could find them all in four different women.

Let's just say I have good-looking parents. Thanks to them, I've got wonderful genes. I'm not making a mountain out of a molehill or anything but I always get girls swooning over my charms except for one. Ria.

Not that I want her tummy to get all fluttery and floppy and drool over me. We practically grew up together - classmates since pre-school, best friends since we've gotten away from breaking the neighbor's window, and strangers since I found out her secret.

She loves me - not just the kind of fondness that you share with a friend. I'm sure man, I didn't intend to read her diary.

It was one afternoon when I went to their house. I was going to tell her about this girl I was dating. I went directly to her room like I always do. It was empty. I was about to leave but I caught sight of her diary lying on her bed - open. I was not the nosy type but during that time, it seemed like an invisible force was pushing me towards it. So ok, just a little peek. And after I did, I wished I didn't.

The words she had written caught me off-guard. I never saw it in her eyes. Maybe I got scared - scared that I'd hurt her. Again. (She had been hurt many times already - everytime I tell her about my girlfriends. That is according to what she had written.) She was not what I wanted. Yeah, she is brilliant and no, she's not ugly, charming even but she's not just the realization of what I had in mind.

And so I started dating the prettiest girl in school. This time I didn't tell her. She didn't ask either. She started staying away. At first, I felt relieved. At least she's staying away without me telling her. Good riddance, I thought.

Then the lonely afternoons started. I found myself staying at home on weekends hoping she would suddenly appear to watch corny chick flicks with me. I started hating the rain because there was no one to get wet with uncaring if we would get sick. The nights seemed unbearable too. I'd stare at my phone, willed it to ring but it never did. And like a kick at the pit of my stomach, it hit me. I was missing her. Terribly.

My girlfriend broke up with me. Funny, it didn't even pain me that the most popular girl in school dumped me. I was even smiling when she slapped me. Thanks, that slap had waken me up.

"I met her gaze and found myself staring at a different person. A person who had been sick from the rain, had gotten well and had sworn never to get drenched again."

So I gathered all my courage and went to their house. She was cleaning their backyard and as I drew near, my eyes caught sight of the pink notebook she was throwing at the pile of burning leaves.

"Hey, what are you doin'?" I asked, my eyes fixed on the diary that was slowly being eaten by fire.

"Getting rid of trash." She answered looking at it and then at me.

I met her gaze and found myself staring at a different person. A person who had been sick from the rain, had gotten well and had sworn never to get drenched again. I forced a smile and muttered that I just dropped by to say hi and had to go because I'd forgotten to do something.

I didn't wait for her reply. I turned to leave struggling to get myself under control. Damn it control! And it was amazing wasn't it, how bad you could hurt when there was nothing physically wrong? Dumb. Dumb. Dumb.

I looked back and saw her shutting the door. How appropriate. Just like burning the diary, she was getting rid of me and shutting me out of her life.

It started to rain. I ran home. I knew it was going to be a storm.

Droplets of rain brought me back to reality. I didn't move. I just let it pour down on me until I was soaking wet. It was the loneliest feeling. The rain always reminded me of her because just like the rain, I fell for her.

"Are you tryin' to kill yourself?" her voice seemed inaudible from the heavy downpour. She shared her umbrella with me.

"I've been dead since you left." I muttered just loud enough for her to hear.

For a moment or so, there was a deafening silence. Or maybe it was just my imagination because after that she said,

"Nice try. You almost got me there. But no. I've found my happiness already. I was so hurt when I've read your diary years ago. I do't think you remember that day when I was cleaning our backyard. Before you saw me burning your diary, I already burned yours. I was so angry then. I came by your house but you were not there. I'm sorry I was tempted to read your diary but I'm glad I did. I was so hurt then but I guess you were right on what you have written there. We are not right for each other."

I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say. So that's why my diary had been missing. So that's why she ran away. I tried to say something but no words came out of my mouth.

"Thanks friend." She kissed my cheek. "Here you can have my umbrella." She said handling me her umbrella and she ran to the arms of the man waiting across the street.

I turned to leave. The rain poured heavily. Damn cold rain. Travis.

Stupid Fate

It's half past seven and I'm stuck in this traffic. I want to shout. When will this traffic problem ever end? I'm late. I have a date at seven and my car is inching its way out of this jam. I was having a great day. Everything was going well and as icing to the cake, this night would be the end of my single-blessedness (I'm not marrying, moron!) I'm planning to welcome love again into my life.


He's been courting me for God knows how long and I've been a pain in the neck to him but he did not quit. I was way too harsh on him because of my past love. I've condemned every man. But he was determined to prove that he's an exception. And I can see that he is willing to pick the million pieces of my heart. Slowly, he's been putting it back together.


I placed my hand on my left chest. I smiled. Yes, I'm over my past love. I'm so over him. There's no hurt left. Now, I'm ready. Then, I was pulled back to earth when I felt the car at my rear bumped my car. "Grr, another one of those pain-in-the-you-know-where driver."


I stepped out of my car, ready to explode but I stopped when I saw the man coming out of the car that hit mine. I saw the same reaction on his face. He looked surprised. I'm not really sure, maybe more of confused but I think he looks exactly the same as I remember him years ago, exactly the same man I loved.


I was suddenly trembling. My God, why the hell am I trembling? It was only a moment ago when I told myself I was over him. But why do I feel this way? I thought I had forgotten him but why does it feel just like yesterday when I first saw him, when I first cried over him?

"Yes, I still love him. So much."

Maybe it was just my mind that has tricked me. I thought I had forgotten him but when I saw his face, it all flashed back so vividly. Everything came back, every memory. I even felt my heart skipped a beat. I remembered my feelings for him. I remembered everything.


God, I'm crazy. I should not be feeling all these. I'm supposed to be on my way to the one who truly loves me. But why did this have to happen now? Stupid fate. She intervened before. Now, she's at it again.


I should keep my cool. I should at least look unaffected. I should be angry with this moron for crashing my car and most of all for ruining my supposed to be end-of-single-life date.


I was ready to explode. Then he smiled.


I froze, but my heart melted. My foot! Here I go again..


Maybe fate intervened before to give us time to think if we're really for each other. And maybe she intervened again because I was about to commit into a relationship with someone not really meant for me. Yes, I still love him. So much.


I moved so I could run into his arms.


BLAG!


I fell. Literally, out of my bed. My head aches and my eyes hurt. They're still swollen from crying all night. He left me and I could not do anything about it, even if I was willing to be miserable just to have him back. I thought I have him back but it was just a dream, And for now, it will just remain a dream. LSZ

The Mirror

That morning at my desk, I found a card and a gift-wrapped package at my chair. The card was signed, love - Willela, and the gift was a small mirror.


Willela is my classmate. She is a tall and thin girl. She looks so pale you'd think she's in bad health. But she's not! She's just the exact opposite of the way she looks. She is jolly and energetic. Her laugh always echoes through the four walls of the room. She always leaves short messages of appreciation. And I think it's crazy. It's weird.


I took for granted the mirror she had given me. I can only remember it if I have to powder my face. The card seems less important too. I had hopes that she would soon stop giving me silly notes and gifts because my bag was getting full with 'trash' from her. But even though I find it stupid to receive such silly gifts, I don't know why I'm still keeping those things they say only 'sentimental fools' keep.


Then one December morning, I received a hug and a kiss on my cheek from her, a kiss that triggered the soul inside me. A kiss that made me feel, I would never see her again. And suddenly, I felt the urge to kiss her too. I smiled at her, gave her a big hug and a shy kiss on her cheek.

"Among the pile of cards, I saw the mirror. I stared at it and saw her staring back."

The next day, I felt uncomfortable.. something was missing. And then, a classmate told me that Willela was gone. She had committed suicide. She couldn't take it anymore to see her parents quarreling's and shouting's at each other. She couldn't take the pain that her parents were separating this Christmas.


It put a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes, as I grasped the news. Tears! I suddenly felt funny. I'm crying? I'm crying for a girl whom I thought was crazy and weird?


Yeah, I was crying for a girl whom I thought was strong. But maybe I was really crying for myself. I was such a self-centered person. She considered me as her friend, yet I treated her as a mere classmate and as someone who pisses me off with those crazy notes and gifts. I should have been the one giving those things. I should have been the one who gave her hope.


I opened my bag and stared at the cards and short notes she had given me. Now, I didn't see anything crazy about these things. What I saw was the real reason why she had given them. She wanted to be given the love she had been longing for. The love she couldn't find at home. The love which I failed to give.


Among the pile of cards, I saw the mirror. I stared at it and saw her staring back. She made me see my mistakes. But now that I have come to realize these things, she had gone away. So now tell me, how I'll be able to spend a happy Christmas without my mirror? LSZ

Please Look at What You Can't See

What you are about to read is my most disturbing and darkest secret. I've kept this secret for so long. This is me. The real me.


I am the third child in the brood of five. My mother is a high school principal in one of the well-known schools in the province. My father is a lawyer. My eldest sister Abby, is the prettiest among us. She would join beauty pageants and would win every time. The second one Kaye, got most (if not all) of my parents' brains. She had always been at the top of her class. She was the most intelligent and the brainiest until she got pregnant by some good-looking homosapien who fooled her that he was sterile. My younger sister, Melissa excels in sports. She's the team captain of the school's volleyball varsity team. And she can sing! The youngest, William, he's the 'boss' at home. Being the only boy, he's quite a big monster. Everybody spoils him. I am just left in the middle. I'm not the brightest in class but I've always been in the honor roll. Thanks to my mom who's quite a martinet when it comes to studying. But compared to my other siblings, I'm not too intelligent nor too pretty, just plain and ordinary.


I have always looked up to my dad. I wanted to be a lawyer just like him. I 'was his number one fan. But I was never his favorite until that one fateful night. I was in high school. I caught my father having an affair with my adviser. That night had led my life to a 360-degree turn-around.


I was told to shut up of course. Shutting up meant gifts, dresses and cold cash. Dad would always shower me with everything I ask him. I graduated valedictorian in high school. Mom was so proud. What she didn't know was I threatened my adviser that I will report her illicit affair with my dad to the school principal if she wouldn't give me copies of exams. And they thought I was just average?

"He would buy me gifts. I knew it was just a ploy to get under my skirt but I didn't care. I love gifts. Anyway, I was doing my sister a favor. If it was not me, it would have been someone else."

I never pursued my dream of becoming a lawyer. I wanted to get even with my dad. And the only way I could do that is to be surrounded by men. I took up Civil Engineering. And was it fate or what? My biggest competitor was my adviser's niece. Lianne was everybody's favorite. She's clever and sharp-witted. Boys just love her and she didn't even need to flirt. She plays billiards so darn well and that's why I hate her more. I was never good in sports. I couldn't even make the volleyball ball reach the net. I hate competition. I told her cousin (who's a flaming imbecile to have believed me) that his cousin is pregnant and that she's sleeping with every boy she knows. Her mother was furious. Her mother withdrew her enrolment. She was explaining her heart out but her mother was too deaf to hear the truth she was screaming. Who would believe her anyway? She had her tongue pierced.


School had been okay ever since. But at home, it was a little shaky. Abby got married right after graduation to the mayor's son. She never took the nursing board exam. Everything was alright at first until she caught her husband dancing horizontally with her best friend. Typical male huh?! They did not separate though. The mayor wouldn't let them. It would ruin his career in politics, he said. Well, I don't care.


It was not long before Kaye got pregnant courtesy of his hunk boyfriend as she would always arrogantly boast. Well, her hunk of a boyfriend (with an undersized brain) left her after finding out she was pregnant. I saw how she begged for him to stay, knelt, and cried her heart out but he still left. Pretty dumb move for somebody who had always been at the top of her class!


My hatred for my father seemed to have grown into my hatred to men in general. Abby's husband started hitting on me. He would buy me gifts. I knew it was just a ploy to get under my skirt but I didn't care. I love gifts. Anyway, I was doing my sister a favor. If it was not me, it would have been someone else. Abby didn't seem to notice. She thought her husband is a changed man. Though it would have been more appropriate to say, her husband has changed his woman.


School started to get tough. I needed to maintain my grades. I started doing favors for my teachers. I would do everything to stay on my throne. And I mean everything. Aside from my affair with my brother-in-law, I had an affair with one of my teachers as well. He's married too. Damn those married men! They all should be buried in an underground dungeon allowed up only for breeding purposes. But there's one good thing about them. They know how to keep a secret. Unlike women who would never stop whispering unless everybody hears their secrets. I have nothing against my own kind but I think that's what makes us stupid. We could never keep a secret unless maybe everyone is dead. But I intend to be an exception. Or so I thought.


I have very exciting news about my younger sister too. She borrowed a top from me and while I was looking in her drawers for it, I found a half-used pack of birth-control pills. And she's only 17! Wow, impressive family. My brother is not to be left out of course. He started bringing girls (yup, that's plural) at home whenever my parents are out. I never stopped him. The reason why boys treat girls as toys is because some girls really are.


I thought everything was going perfectly well until I fell for Jay. I befriended him, confided secrets (only those he needed to know) but he never seemed to notice. And being with him seems like torturing myself because he is everything I ever wanted but I couldn't have. And what hurts more is that, I can't show him the real me because I know he would be nauseated.


I seemed to have continued digging inside the hole I've created. I couldn't get out as much as I wanted to. But I was determined to change. For him. I stopped seeing my brother-in-law and my teacher. They didn't seem to bother. Well, both of us benefited anyway. But no matter how hard I try, everything still seems not enough. In desperation, I 'whispered' to everybody that the two of us are already a couple. Everybody knows he is my boyfriend. Except him.


Everything seemed to go as planned. But not long enough, I found out he has a girlfriend. And was it some joke or what? His girlfriend is Lianne.


I was furious. I was mad. I was infuriated. Is this what they call karma? She has been the pebble in my shoe all this time. She has been the dirt in the other side of the glass I couldn't get no matter how hard I clean it. She has been the pest that is slowly attacking the crops I am about to harvest. I've got to find the means to get her out of my way because the story, the real story is just about to begin.. LSZ

My Happy Ending

Love? I thought i was a good thing, but so far it has caused me nothing but pain.

I had a friend. Actually, it's an understatement to call him a friend because he's more than just a friend to me. he is my best friend in the whole wide world. His name is MJ. He's no Michael Jordan. Michael Jackson? No, not even. He is just plain MJ. It was not even clear to me what those letters stand for. They're just letters anyway. All I care about is how I enjoyed his company.

He's more of the silent type. Hmm, not that silent. Maybe, i was just way too talkative. I do all the talking and clowning around and he does all the listening and laughing. I was like that to everybody, but i became 'too' aware of him because I have given a different meaning to his stares and his actions toward me. I've become conscious of his presence.

"I went home early because i'd gotten a headache. Funny how my head aches at my left chest."

I could always catch him staring at me, and when I would look to meet his stares, he'd pretend to look somewhere else. He would always tease me until I'd get mad with him, though I had to admit that I've never really gotten mad with him. I was just playing pretend. I had to, so he'd make-up with me, because the making up part is oh-so-sweet.

Everbody enjoys our arguments. Everybody loves to see us making-up. Everybody was expecting us to be 'us'  I was beginning to expect myself. But it never happened. Never did.

One day, a friend told me he was courting somebody else. You know how it feels to be hit by lightning? t happened to me at that instant. I got numb but I could feel my heart crushed into a million pieces. He was never mine but i felt I've lost a very big part of me. My heart.

I went home early because i'd gotten a headache. Funny how my head aches at my left chest. I haven't even noticed the big truck as I crossed the street. I walked all the way home; and home was like 10 kilometers away.

It was already dark when I arrived. MJ was there, his eyes swollen. Is he crying? Why would he? And what was he doing here? I hid behind the door. He's holding a picture. Is that my picture?

"I love you.. so much." He sobs as he kisses my picture.

I'm confused. He loves me? Funny how I could get this excited but I could not feel the beating of my heart. I ran to him so I could tell him how much I love him so. I was way too overwhelmed I've forgotten I was hiding behind the door. But I did not hit the door, the door didn't even move.

Tears flooded my eyes. He loves me. Yes, he loves me! And it had cost me my life just so he would realize. LSZ

Mikaela

I have a pet. Her name is Mikaela. At first, I didn't like her. She arrived at home one day looking terribly annoying. She just stared at me, boldly admitting she doesn't like me. She would bark around the house and I wouldn't care as long as she's not doing me any harm. Everybody at home loves her, except me. I don't hate her. I just don't like her. But one Sunday afternoon, Mom told me to take Mikaela for a walk in the park.

At first, we just walk there not making a sound. It went on every Sunday. The funny thing is, I find myself already enjoying our walks every Sunday afternoon. I've finally learned to like her. She's not that bad after all. She even helped me get noticed by my long-time crush next door. She took his baseball cap one day and gave it to me. The next thing i know, he was already standing in front of me wearing his picture-perfect smile.

Everybody loves Mikaela and I take extra credit for being with her. We always get attention. We were inseparable. But everything changed one day when she met Gian, the german shepherd my aunt left. She went on vacation and left her dog at home.

Now, we would go to the park but with Gian around. I noticed Mikaela giving Gian shy smiles, wagging her tail when Gian is around. I wanted her to feel loved. Now, they would go to the park alone.

Gian became Mikaela's obsession. She couldn't eat without him around, couldn't sleep without Gian by her side, wouldn't go out if Gian's not tailing behind. My pet Mikaela is becoming a lovesick dog.

What now when my aunt arrives and takes her dog? What will happen to her when Gian leaves? I know I'm partly to be blamed because I've let her world revolved around Gian when I know he can't stay. Somebody owns him. And soon she would take him back. And there's nothing Mikaela could do. Gian was never hers.

"Sometimes I'm thinking of giving her away, but who would love her now?" 

What now if she gets pregnant? Poor puppies. They will never get to see their father. Poor Mikaela for not thinking of the consequences of her actions. Well, what do I expect? She's a dog. She doesn't know what being smart is all about. I could have been the smart one here but I was not able to stop her from her foolishness. Besides being hardheaded, Mikaela treats me like I don't exist when Gian is around. I understand. But I couldn't take her acting so dumb.

Sometimes I'm thinking of giving her away, but who would love her now? She's not the same Mikaela I've known. I just wanted her to feel loved and needed but she made one grave mistake. She didn't love herself first. And now, she's devastated.

She knows I'll always be there for her. I'll always be around when no one's in sight. I'll give her comfort when she's sad, lift her up when she's down. But she must learn to love herself first because even if she's my bestfriend, I just can't learn to love a bitch! LSZ