Rainy Expectations

It was raining hard and  had to get myself through the waiting shed crowded with students who haven't heard of umbrellas. Oh, how I hate the rain! I was dripping wet but I was not concerned about that. I was not concerned that I could get a cold, or a fever or get sick. All I care about is just to get out of there right away. So I could get away from him, far away from him. I was such a fool. My thoughts drifted back to what happened that day.

Chase told me the night before that he had something to tell me, but not on the phone. He sounded so excited. I was pretty excited myself. What could be that something?

The next day, I saw him with that intriguing smile pasted on his face. He seems physically present but had left his mind in the middle of nowhere. After class, he told me, "She said yes!"

"Maybe if I cried hard enough, I could pour my heart out. And if I had no heart left, my tears would stop falling."

At first I didn't get it. I just stood there staring at him blankly, giving him the look that says, "Come again?" And then, it hit me. She said yes! And when I looked at him, I saw his face beaming with pride. He gave me a tight hug and repeatedly said those three little words that are slowly tearing my heart. I couldn't move, not because of the hug but because my expectations had ended right there and then.

All I said was, "Good." I din't know how I did it. I didn't know how I managed to stand there and faked a smile. I didn't know how I was able to get a grip of the news Chase told me. Chase, my best friend, my crush. I was such a fool.

Now I know his stares during exams don't mean I'm pretty but to say thank you to the answers I gave him. His sweet notes don't mean he misses me but it was just a simple sign of showing that he remembers a good friend. That even though he calls me up at night just to make me look at how beautiful the moon shines, it doesn't mean that he loves me. Yes, he loves me, but he is not in love with me. How cruel is that?

I felt so helpless. I was angry. I was hurt. I was frustrated. But most of all, I was confused. I made a fool of myself. I made myself believe that he felt the same way. But I was wrong. I was wrong all along.

I felt a tear fell from my eye. For the first time, I was thankful it rained because it hid the tears that are falling down my cheeks. Tears I couldn't stop from falling. I just wanted to shed off the hurt I felt. Maybe if I cried hard enough, I could pour my heart out. And if I had no heart left, my tears would stop falling. It hurt a lot to have fallen and nobody was there to catch you. I just wanted to cry for all the times we've spent, the memories we've shared, for all those moments I thought he was mine.

I felt a soft tap on my shoulder. It was the man of my dreams with the woman of my worst nightmare. He smiled and said, "Will you be alright?" I nodded, then they left riding the next taxi that pulled over. I just whispered, "I hope so. I just hope everything will be alright." LSZ