I wanted to pour this out since I don’t know when. I don’t know if it’s because of guilt. Conscience maybe? But how can you possibly call a love so great wrong?
It was not love at first sight. It even had to go through a lot of impolite stares and eyeball rolling for me to admit that I’ve been hit. And as the rain fell on the corrugated galvanized iron roof, so did my heart on his sexy smile complete with his perfect set of teeth.
I’ve tried to deny my impulses at first but my olfactory nerves send signals to my brain that tells me how good he smells even when he’s all covered with sweat. Even my optical nerves find it difficult not to stare. Whew! It seemed that I’ve come to realize for the first time why the good Lord had endowed me with such great senses – except for my common sense that I’ve started to bottle up.
Long before I knew him, she was there already. She had been his life. She was his first love. When he first introduced me to her, she just eyed me suspiciously as if she was already expecting I’d take him away from her even though at that time we were just friends. But we all know how friends could get so close (most abused foundation of love?). And it didn’t take too long for both of us to realize that we couldn’t stay as friends any longer. And though I prided myself with being intelligent and making right decisions always, I didn’t quite calculate the amount of beer that could affect my reasoning, judgment, and sense of righteousness.
I got pregnant. She got mad. He tried hard to explain what happened but she chose to play deaf. He moved in our house after we told my parents about my condition. It was hard for him – for both of us actually. We were both graduating when this mess happened. It was a good thing my tummy was not very noticeable. We still continued going to school. And even though my parents are supporting us (I’m the only girl in the family), he tried hard to find a job.
"We got married after graduation. Two months after that, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. We named her Helena. Helena – the first woman he loved."
Slowly, things started to put on a normal footing. But I could sometimes catch him in deep thought and staring at nothing. I knew he was thinking of her. And though he never told me, I know he still visits her sometimes – in hope that she might forgive us. He loved her all his life and I just cannot compete with that.
We got married after graduation. Two months after that, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. We named her Helena. Helena – the first woman he loved. Before leaving the hospital, we learned that Helena was ill.
We decide to visit her. I waited outside the room while he talked to her.
“You look good. How’s the baby?” she asked.
“Five pounds. Baby girl. Are you okay?” he sat by her side.
“Aww, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I just need a little rest. Is your wife still mad at me? I hope not. You chose her over me.”
“She was never mad at you. I’m sorry I was very stubborn at that time. I know she understands you better now that we have a baby.”
“I’m sorry too.” She said blinking away the tears.
“I’m sorry that I needed to choose that time but she needed me – she and the baby. And I know she could take care of me like how you have taken care of me mom.” He cried.
“I missed you calling me that.” She cried as he hugged her.
I waited for a while and then I entered carrying the baby. She looked at me and then motioned for me to bring the baby to her.
“Come here. Let me look at her.” She held my hand as if saying how sorry she was. I smiled at her.
She then asked, “What should I call her?”
“We named her after you mom. Helena.” I answered and then I looked at my husband smiling at the two women in his life and then at the little angel. LSZ
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